More annoying than Tom Cruise. More insidious than the psychopathic Hare Krishna pamphlet distributors on Upper Campus (see previous post). And about as hard to miss as a Gay Pride parade on Adderley Street. What am I referring to, you ask? Posers.
You just can’t escape them – people who try to camouflage themselves in the fabric of campus society, more or less successfully, depending on their skills and the amount of research they are prepared to undertake.
You see, posers are not cool people. They only try to be. If they really were cool, they wouldn’t be trying so damn hard. However, not content to be catfish people (see “Its Crunch time – bring your A-game”) they insist on trying to integrate themselves into campus life, making friends and even trying to score. And it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that they’re trying just a little too hard.
There are a few different types of poser. The most rare, most difficult to identify and annoying is the Amoeba. The Amoeba has no personality. None whatsoever. The Amoeba’s defining characteristic therefore, is their apparent ability to morph into whichever type of person they think the situation demands. If they are with jocks, they will pretend to be sporty. If they’re trying to fit in with the studious crowd, they’ll act like a nerd…
However, the Amoeba’s success depends on their people skills, (which are usually sorely lacking or they wouldn’t have to be posers in the first place!) and so, they often get it wrong. I had the cringe-worthy experience of watching my socially inept ex-flat mate (The Grinch) trying to act like a skanky girl to fit in with what she thought my girl-friends were like. Fail! The Amoeba’s other failing is the fact that people inevitably get to know them. You can’t manifest multiple personalities and expect people not to notice. So thankfully, Amoebas often get busted before they’ve annoyed too many people.
Then you have the Dirty Harry, or DH. Probably the most annoying poser of all. Done it? The DH has done it five times. Gone bungee jumping? The DH jumped off that same bridge without safety ropes when they were four years old. Twice. Had an awesome vacation? The DH had a better one. Hunting wolverines with his uncle. In Alaska. With a frikken’ 12 gauge! Gosh! You get the picture.
The DH is usually male, and insists on insinuating themselves into every conversation within hearing range, trying to sound as awesome, experienced and worldly-wise as possible. Thankfully, the DH is usually pretty obnoxious and sooner rather than later, somebody will snap and tell them (not so politely) to go and play in the traffic. Or, they will eventually stoke their claims up to something so ridiculous they expose themselves to everyone. Bonus free laugh.
The Re-Hash is usually someone who comes from somewhere far away, and has no previous acquaintances on campus. This poser was quite obviously a huge nerd in high school, because they spend all their time talking about how popular and awesome they were back in Calitzdorp High. So much so that you wonder how one single person managed to captain every first team sport, get 8 A’s in matric, be elected Head and Deputy Head student, Valedictorian, most popular student and sleep with his English teacher who was a biological clone of Joanna Krupa.
That’s because he didn’t.
Thankfully, due to facebook, most Re-Hashers get busted before they can do too much damage. Anyway, there’s no way someone with acne and thick bifocals banged their English teacher if he/she was that hot…
Yes, posers come in all shapes and sizes… however, I think that at the end of the day, you have to brush it off and have a laugh. Its just another colourful aspect of varsity life.
You just can’t escape them – people who try to camouflage themselves in the fabric of campus society, more or less successfully, depending on their skills and the amount of research they are prepared to undertake.
You see, posers are not cool people. They only try to be. If they really were cool, they wouldn’t be trying so damn hard. However, not content to be catfish people (see “Its Crunch time – bring your A-game”) they insist on trying to integrate themselves into campus life, making friends and even trying to score. And it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that they’re trying just a little too hard.
There are a few different types of poser. The most rare, most difficult to identify and annoying is the Amoeba. The Amoeba has no personality. None whatsoever. The Amoeba’s defining characteristic therefore, is their apparent ability to morph into whichever type of person they think the situation demands. If they are with jocks, they will pretend to be sporty. If they’re trying to fit in with the studious crowd, they’ll act like a nerd…
However, the Amoeba’s success depends on their people skills, (which are usually sorely lacking or they wouldn’t have to be posers in the first place!) and so, they often get it wrong. I had the cringe-worthy experience of watching my socially inept ex-flat mate (The Grinch) trying to act like a skanky girl to fit in with what she thought my girl-friends were like. Fail! The Amoeba’s other failing is the fact that people inevitably get to know them. You can’t manifest multiple personalities and expect people not to notice. So thankfully, Amoebas often get busted before they’ve annoyed too many people.
Then you have the Dirty Harry, or DH. Probably the most annoying poser of all. Done it? The DH has done it five times. Gone bungee jumping? The DH jumped off that same bridge without safety ropes when they were four years old. Twice. Had an awesome vacation? The DH had a better one. Hunting wolverines with his uncle. In Alaska. With a frikken’ 12 gauge! Gosh! You get the picture.
The DH is usually male, and insists on insinuating themselves into every conversation within hearing range, trying to sound as awesome, experienced and worldly-wise as possible. Thankfully, the DH is usually pretty obnoxious and sooner rather than later, somebody will snap and tell them (not so politely) to go and play in the traffic. Or, they will eventually stoke their claims up to something so ridiculous they expose themselves to everyone. Bonus free laugh.
The Re-Hash is usually someone who comes from somewhere far away, and has no previous acquaintances on campus. This poser was quite obviously a huge nerd in high school, because they spend all their time talking about how popular and awesome they were back in Calitzdorp High. So much so that you wonder how one single person managed to captain every first team sport, get 8 A’s in matric, be elected Head and Deputy Head student, Valedictorian, most popular student and sleep with his English teacher who was a biological clone of Joanna Krupa.
That’s because he didn’t.
Thankfully, due to facebook, most Re-Hashers get busted before they can do too much damage. Anyway, there’s no way someone with acne and thick bifocals banged their English teacher if he/she was that hot…
Yes, posers come in all shapes and sizes… however, I think that at the end of the day, you have to brush it off and have a laugh. Its just another colourful aspect of varsity life.
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