Why is it okay for guys to do some things, but not for the ladies? And no, I’ not referring to peeing standing up, playing rugby or saying c**t. (see? I just CAN’T say it!) I’m talking about simple things. Like making out with or sleeping with a couple of people. If a guy does it, he’s Captain Awesome. At the very worst, he gets a rep as “a bit of a dog” after he had two separate threesomes between 1 and 5am on Saturday after the ruggas… If a girl even KISSES too many guys in one night she’s a slut. Which translates into “cheap stupid girl crawling with AIDS and other nasty STDs who’s probably had at least three abortions this week and is thus okay to use and throw away cos she has no feelings at all and is just a piece of meat in a minidress”.
Mind you, some slutty girls are exactly that. But kissing four guys in one club after four tequilas on an empty stomach does not make you a slut in the abovementioned sense. Neither does having slept with a few guys in your lifetime of 20-0dd years. However… the boys will tell you differently. When they behave badly, they’re just being boys. When a girl does it, she’s a slut, a ho and out of control.
On the flip side, if a girl behaves well, dresses a little more to the conservative side and will never, EVER be seen dancing on a table at Bokke, or smooching a random at Tiger, she’s boring. Guys don’t want to know her at all. Lame, clearly a total cockblocking bitch. No fun.
So where do girls get off? We have to walk a really, really thin line.
How to understand this phenomenon? Well, being at varsity, I thought I’d ask someone who studies anthropology, i.e. people. BAD, BAD idea. I wind up with someone who DEFINITELY fits the above description (glasses, looooong peasant skirt that was fashionable for over-40’s five years ago, greasy hair) who launched into a speech so long and boring, I was praying for someone to paint a wall so I could watch it dry. However, in between wondering if I should just throw myself off the balcony in Leslie Social, watching the epic battle going on in her mouth (about 6000 teeth, fighting like Spartans to get in front of each other) and checking my makeup in those ultra-thick reflective specs, I did glean a certain gem of knowledge.
Apparently, guys can behave like animals but girls can’t because it’s hardwired into our DNA. Excuse me? Yep, when we were cave-people back in the day, guys evolved into animals to ensure they spaded as many cave-ladies as possible, to ensure the survival of the species, and girls were programmed to chill and stay home, not get eaten by a saber-toothed tiger for 9 months and then raise a kid, ensuring the survival of the species. Ohhhhhkay. So why is this still applicable? Right, DNA. (Dodging flecks of spit which were flying like catapult ammo from out of the Tooth War) But if we’re smart enough to have figured out that it’s a genetic thing that applied like, 50000000 years ago then why are we still bothered?
No, I’m not going to launch into some hairy-legged feminist burn-your-bra rant about how men are manipulating the entire world to suit them and pushing womenkind down, blah blah blah. The abovementioned bra is from La Senza, and aside from my cardio-pulmonary organs, is the most precious thing I own. However, it does bear some thinking about… so here’s my submission:
Dear men, guys, boitchos, brus and okes
Even though you are all very awesome and smart and hot and to DIE for sexy in your grubby jocks and Super 14 rugga jerseys with beer stains, we think you should know something that, in your important and complicated lives, might have slipped your attention just a little bit. You like us looking sexy, yes? And being naughty and giving you action, yes? Well…. It might be best if you stopped calling us sluts for minor misdemeanors. Cos calling us sluts just makes us really unlikely to have that threesome with you and your team mate ever again! Because if you call girls sluts, the whole world hates us for no reason and without needing any proof at all since they “heard it somewhere”. And that means we all have to “change” and start acting like boring girls which means that you won’t like us anymore. And eventually, there will be no bad girls left at all except the really siff ones who DO have AIDS. And the Clap. So please, awesome, wonderful boys, think about yourselves here and make some changes regarding how you speak about us and why!
We love you always!! Mwah mwah mwah! x’s and o’s!!
The Girls
Mind you, some slutty girls are exactly that. But kissing four guys in one club after four tequilas on an empty stomach does not make you a slut in the abovementioned sense. Neither does having slept with a few guys in your lifetime of 20-0dd years. However… the boys will tell you differently. When they behave badly, they’re just being boys. When a girl does it, she’s a slut, a ho and out of control.
On the flip side, if a girl behaves well, dresses a little more to the conservative side and will never, EVER be seen dancing on a table at Bokke, or smooching a random at Tiger, she’s boring. Guys don’t want to know her at all. Lame, clearly a total cockblocking bitch. No fun.
So where do girls get off? We have to walk a really, really thin line.
How to understand this phenomenon? Well, being at varsity, I thought I’d ask someone who studies anthropology, i.e. people. BAD, BAD idea. I wind up with someone who DEFINITELY fits the above description (glasses, looooong peasant skirt that was fashionable for over-40’s five years ago, greasy hair) who launched into a speech so long and boring, I was praying for someone to paint a wall so I could watch it dry. However, in between wondering if I should just throw myself off the balcony in Leslie Social, watching the epic battle going on in her mouth (about 6000 teeth, fighting like Spartans to get in front of each other) and checking my makeup in those ultra-thick reflective specs, I did glean a certain gem of knowledge.
Apparently, guys can behave like animals but girls can’t because it’s hardwired into our DNA. Excuse me? Yep, when we were cave-people back in the day, guys evolved into animals to ensure they spaded as many cave-ladies as possible, to ensure the survival of the species, and girls were programmed to chill and stay home, not get eaten by a saber-toothed tiger for 9 months and then raise a kid, ensuring the survival of the species. Ohhhhhkay. So why is this still applicable? Right, DNA. (Dodging flecks of spit which were flying like catapult ammo from out of the Tooth War) But if we’re smart enough to have figured out that it’s a genetic thing that applied like, 50000000 years ago then why are we still bothered?
No, I’m not going to launch into some hairy-legged feminist burn-your-bra rant about how men are manipulating the entire world to suit them and pushing womenkind down, blah blah blah. The abovementioned bra is from La Senza, and aside from my cardio-pulmonary organs, is the most precious thing I own. However, it does bear some thinking about… so here’s my submission:
Dear men, guys, boitchos, brus and okes
Even though you are all very awesome and smart and hot and to DIE for sexy in your grubby jocks and Super 14 rugga jerseys with beer stains, we think you should know something that, in your important and complicated lives, might have slipped your attention just a little bit. You like us looking sexy, yes? And being naughty and giving you action, yes? Well…. It might be best if you stopped calling us sluts for minor misdemeanors. Cos calling us sluts just makes us really unlikely to have that threesome with you and your team mate ever again! Because if you call girls sluts, the whole world hates us for no reason and without needing any proof at all since they “heard it somewhere”. And that means we all have to “change” and start acting like boring girls which means that you won’t like us anymore. And eventually, there will be no bad girls left at all except the really siff ones who DO have AIDS. And the Clap. So please, awesome, wonderful boys, think about yourselves here and make some changes regarding how you speak about us and why!
We love you always!! Mwah mwah mwah! x’s and o’s!!
The Girls
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